Monday, December 29, 2008

33 weeks

No wonder I feel so big I can barely move!

Yes, that is a maternity shirt that doesn't even reach my belly button! Seriously, though, I have been having problems moving around. Not walking, I can do that fine, but shifting from sitting to standing and laying down to anything is a real challenge. Rolling over in bed at night has gotten to the point of being a carefully thought through endeavor, with several steps! And tying my own shoes? You're joking, right? I'm not able to drive anymore, can't fit myself behind the wheel and still reach the pedals, but I didn't go that many places anyway. It's too hard to chase both kids. I'd rather have them in the house, where they pretty much know what they can and can't do and are fairly good about sticking to it.

The lack of mobility has been hard. The combination of not being able to drive anywhere if Chris isn't home, Chris working two jobs, and not being able to go outside due to sub-zero temperatures has not been good on my psyche. I've been feeling trapped and depressed. We try to go out as much as possible when Chris is home, but I have to balance my desire to get out with his need to actually be home now and then. It's been tough, and I'm pretty sure I haven't been easy to live with lately. I don't even really like being around myself.

But the "stuck at home" has an upside, and that is extra time to get my school work done. I finished and mailed in Orientation last week, several weeks before the suggested completion date and even a week before my self-imposed deadline! I'm really proud of myself. Now I have six months to put together my first submission of regular coursework before my first annual report. If I get even one submission in before my annual report, I won't have to pay the final testing fees of $250, so it's important to try. I'm trying to get some momentum to get at least a small submission ready before the baby comes, that way I have something I can send if I don't feel up to doing any work for awhile. If I do feel like working, I can always add to a small submission and make it a larger one. The trouble is that I'm having a bit of trouble getting started. To be fair to myself, we are in the middle of the holidays, and the kids and I were sick the last few days. But I still feel like I should have gotten a little more done.

Part of me just wants to forget about it and focus on these last few weeks of pregnancy and everything I still need to do to prepare. I've gotten behind in my Hypnobabies practice and I need to start doing the OFP postures again in just a few days. Some days I feel completely overwhelmed. Other days I feel bored out of my mind. How can I be both?

As if I needed any more on my plate, we are trying to decide if we want to cloth diaper this baby beyond the first few weeks. We actually have the money to invest in quality cloth diapers this time. The problem I foresee is being too overwhelmed to use them. If you could see the mounds of unwashed laundry in my basement... And I have to admit, everytime I have to clean Emily's poopy diaper, I'm so glad I can just toss it, instead of having to try to get the poo off in the toilet, then put the diaper in a smelly pail. I do know all the pluses of cloth diapering, though, and it makes me feel selfish to even consider not doing it. Any opinions or advice?

On a final, very positive note, Emily, at 22 months, has been taking HUGE steps towards potty training lately. She may actually be done by the time this baby is born! That would be amazing. GO MEMERS!!